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Lesbians tie each other up

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She and her siblings had to be home earlier than their friends. Niya had to dress conservatively and was expected to act in a demure way.

Niya preferred friendships with boys but these never developed into crushes. At 14, she became a Christian. Thinking that part of her faith meant that she should avoid dating, she put her lack of romantic interest in boys down to a commitment to God.

At 22, she met a woman who was also in her early 20s, through mutual friends. Bonding over their love of music, they formed a fast friendship.

Back at home, thinking about what had happened, Niya realised that she had feelings for her friend. The pair began to date in secret.

It had nothing to do with religion. Two years later, Niya felt she had to tell one person in her immediate family.

She chose one of her brothers. She had looked up YouTube videos of lesbian vloggers in other parts of the world. She watched films featuring same-sex couples and read a lot of reports on lesbian, bisexual and queer LBQ communities.

She began to understand the language of the internet. The BBC messaged Niya to tell her that we would be using images of a violet to illustrate the memes.

We chose the symbol - which differs vastly from the symbols the women use - because lesbian women in the s were said to give violets to their girlfriends.

Watching the YouTube videos had confirmed to Niya that she was not alone. But where were the other gay women in Burundi? Leila had grown up in a loving, supportive middle-class family in Bujumbura city.

She was popular. She had a boyfriend. After months of thinking about her continuously, she needed to share her feelings.

Leila texted the friend. The two agreed to draw a line under the embarrassing episode. Relieved, Leila put her months of infatuation down to a phase.

It had been a one-off crush, with one woman. I cried. We convinced ourselves it was a phase. I said I would. So I dumped him and started dating a cute guy.

But when he looked at her quizzically, she says the full realisation of who she is hit her. I am a lesbian, Leila told herself.

But she still hoped there would be a way out of it. She prayed. She meditated. She became angry with herself. You have the moment when you realise that there is no going back.

This is you. You are gay. Your plans and expectations for what you thought life would be need to adjust. Then there is the second coming out, the public coming out, to the people around you.

When she came out to herself, Leila began to look for other gay people. She doubted there would be women like her in Burundi, but she searched videos on Facebook and YouTube seeking lesbians in other countries.

Initially her mother took it badly. But as the days passed she began to ask more questions. The family agreed that as a lesbian woman in Burundi, Leila was already in a vulnerable position.

They could protect her while she was in the family home, but they could not guarantee her safety outside if the wrong people found out.

There was a shorthand, a recognition. You become an expert in body language, eye contact. A meme we may have picked up from somewhere else, or a coded phrase.

Nothing that anyone else outside the lesbian community would ever be able to pick up on. Leila, Niya - and later Nella - formed a community.

Some have support from their families. A few are married with children. No-one is openly out. Burundi is well known in the Great Lakes for its vibrant nightlife.

Bujumbura has fewer than , inhabitants, but maintains a vivid youth culture. The city, with its colonial-era Art Deco buildings surrounding a market, a football stadium and places of worship, sits on the shores of Lake Tanganyika.

The country has been home to bouts of conflict since independence in But today, for many young people enjoying the nightlife in Bujumbura, those tensions feel another lifetime away.

Tourists from neighbouring Rwanda, Tanzania and the Democratic Republic of Congo can be found enjoying the nightlife in the clubs or the five-star hotel bars.

Leila, Niya, Nella and their friends would often meet at these places. In , the government signed into law a new criminal code penalising same-sex relations between consenting adults.

The BBC has spoken to dozens. There is little data, and there has been no large-scale collection of testimony, so it is almost impossible to get an accurate picture of their lives.

US government records say that a lesbian couple was arrested in but released. Other than that, little else is documented.

Nella says she heard of women being killed in rural Burundi for being gay. She also heard of a lesbian who was recently jailed in Bujumbura.

The woman, while being a lesbian, was not arrested for her sexuality - the authorities were unaware of it, she believes. It was because the woman had retaliated against domestic abuse in her family home, and lashed out against her abuser.

Leila thinks domestic abuse in families where a woman is suspected of being lesbian or bisexual is a big cause for concern.

The group has heard of abuse as a result of sexuality but it is impossible to verify. Often women withdraw their stories for fear of what might happen to them.

Many members of the group say they have experienced violence at the hands of family members who became suspicious about their sexuality.

Nella is now divorced but others in the group remain married. Their husbands are not aware of their sexuality. According to Internet World Stats only 4.

She and a few other women go out to speak to lesbian and bisexual women in the villages. They hear about them through loose local networks, both on and offline, and through friends of friends.

The secret language of lesbian love The wives, mothers and friends who hide their sexuality. The peak of the midday sun has passed.

This could be a group of friends in any park, in any country. But this is Burundi, where being who they are is against the law.

Nella is wearing a hijab. We have had some laughably awkward moments trying new positions, or when he tried to tie me up in a certain way and it didn't work because the rope wasn't long enough for my big meaty thighs.

We've tried a couple of things that one or the other of us went "meh" about, and a couple of things where we said, "I'm going to have to try that a few more times before I can make up my mind," and some things that we have known right away we wanted to add to the regular rotation.

We made lists! We made three lists each: "I know I like to do these things. But he put it on his "like to try" list. So one night when I was feeling very brave, we tried it, in a very low-pressure way, just a little taste.

And it was OK. So we tried it again. After some experimentation, it became one of my favorite things. I find it so hot now that I worry I will bore him by doing it too much.

For me, being able to try it in a low-pressure environment, where I knew it really really really would be OK if I ended up saying, "OK, I tried it, I'm not into it, I don't want to do it again" let me put down my defenses and find the part of me that was really into it.

This kind of advice is very hard to give because I"m not sure how what works for one couple will scale to other couples.

My partner and I had issues that made sex challenging sometimes, and a lot of advice that focused on "do this," or "do that," would not have been helpful to us because we had an underlying dynamic we had to figure out how to handle first.

And everybody's temperament and history are different. That's why I mostly focused on "this is what worked for us," and maybe as you read it something will resonate with you.

Or maybe not. Either way, I wish you and your partner the very best as you work on this. If you're both that inexperienced, I don't think you should write off the possibility that the real reason you are both drawn to bottoming right now is that it's a lot less terrifyingly proactive than topping.

I don't mean to question your enjoyment of bottoming, because if you like it, you like it! Rather I want to question whether your lack of desire to top is truly a lack of sexual interest in dominance or whether it might instead be a reflection of fear.

Your feeling of not wanting to be on top even during vanilla sex makes me think that your insecurities are strong enough to be getting in the way of a true evaluation of whether or not topping might turn you on.

It sounds like the same might well be true for your partner. I totally, totally empathize with this! I promise I'm not judging!

But if this is a potential dealbreaker in an otherwise great relationship, you might want to consider exploring how to work through the insecurities and the fear before you decide that you're both pure submissives who couldn't possibly ever be interested in playing with a dominant role.

Being intimidated and self-conscious is a problem that, although challenging, will probably be more solvable in the long run than structural sexual incompatibility.

Best of luck! I wonder if it might help to recognize that there's nothing inherently dominant about tying someone up, or vice versa.

For some people, being a bondage top is a deeply submissive thing. Like, "I want to make you feel good; I want to serve you and work for your benefit; so I'm totally down with spending the next half hour making sure all the knots are just right and you're really happy with the way I've immobilized you.

Just, you know, hang out and be yourselves and have fun, only one of you is gagged and strapped to the chair. This sounds like it would feel ridiculous — and often it does, but sometimes it's ridiculous in a nice fun liberating way, where it lets you just be relaxed and goofy around each other.

Some people like topping from the bottom: playing in such a way that the alleged "victim" is really calling the shots. People in the kink world sometimes talk as if this was an awful shameful thing that nobody should enjoy oh, the irony but if it floats your boat to be all "Oh no Mr.

Big Mean Evil Top, please don't throw me in that briar patch hint hint! Basically there are just a lot of different ways to interact and play together, and lots of different possible combinations of answers to the questions "who's doing what?

If kink was a simple binary opposition, with only two possible roles, and you were both trying to occupy the same role, then you might be in trouble.

But it isn't that simple, there's nine million possible roles, and the odds are good that you'll find some combos that work for you.

These can be incredibly enlightening: about what your partner thinks sounds fun, what YOU think sounds fun, and what's out there in the world of kink in general.

Googling provides a few. I'm not even really comfortable having vanilla sex on top Extending what nebulawindphone is saying - there's nothing inherently submissive, necessarily, about the prone partner's position in sex.

Whose hands are more free, since they don't have to worry about supporting their weight? Role is attitude, not who's physically on top of someone else.

From what you're saying it's both early in your relationship and early in exploration of kink for both of you, so try to focus on having fun exploring together and don't get hung up on what might happen down the road.

You might both want to do something like read The Topping Book and The Bottoming Book , and discuss what piques your interest. Play around and enjoy yourselves!

Try being dominant. Seriously, just try it! He should do the same! I was once in the same situation. All my fantasies involved being submissive.

But then I wound up in a relationship with a woman who wanted to be dominated, so I gave it a try. Turns out, it's hella fun! I never thought I'd like it, but I do!

It gives me a chance to channel this whole other side of my personality. Don't expect it to turn you on right away.

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